QUALITY MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #62 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
QUALITY MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS

Have you completed your lists of qualities you want and need in
midlife friendships?
Reminder: They are useful.

As you review your lists, take note of friendship needs and wants you did not
require or desire previous to the double milestone of menopausal mayhem and aging angst.

It is reasonable for our lists to be somewhat fluid during the double milestone.
Not that women are moody or anything but, isn't it interesting -  as our bodies change
and emotions fluctuate, our needs and wants evolve.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Most of us are experiencing shifts in many relationships.
This is a by-product of the double milestone.

UNHOMEWORK
- In what ways have your friendship needs shifted since the
arrival of the double milestone?
- In what ways have your friendship wants shifted since the
arrival of the double milestone?
- List the steps you have taken to fill these new needs and wants.
(Nothing to put on your list? Don't worry. Most of us have not yet gotten started.
We are working our way up to it - uh huh.)

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... high school flashback alert ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.Twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP CRITERIA

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 61 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP CRITERIA

We are ready to make a fresh start.
Uhhhh ... can we do this tomorrow?
We're eager to meet new people.
Well ... depending on the day.
We want to build quality friendships.
Yes ... definitely.

But ... exactly how to we get started?
We begin by establishing friendship criteria.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Establishing friendship criteria takes a bit of time and a lot of thought.
It is worth it.

By the way,  establishing friendship criteria is one of the many topics included in my
soon-to-be released book,  Help! I Am Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide
 to Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem and Aging Angst.

UNHOMEWORK
Write two lists.
1. List the qualities you need in a friendship.
2. List the qualities you want in a friendship.
Be specific.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... quality midlife friendships are ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES,  click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.
.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP BETRAYAL

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #60 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP BETRAYAL?

Here's more fallout from friendship breakups ...

When we end a friendship, our mutual friends may feel compelled
to take sides.
It is fine if mutual friends take our side, but what if they do the unthinkable ... they
take our new non-friend's side. OWWW!

Best case scenario:
Our mutual friends do not take sides.

Usual scenario:
Things are awkward at first, but eventually the tension eases and everything
and everyone settles down.

Worst case scenario:
Our mutual friends take sides, form alliances, shut us out, and we loose
these friends as well. Double OWWW!!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
When we ended one friendship, we did not plan for the loss of more.
Typically, it is 11 year old girls who side with one friend and shut out the other.
Do double milestoners revert back to pre-adolescence? Perhaps.

UNHOMEWORK
Imagine:
You enter a restaurant and notice your new non-friend enjoying dinner and lively
conversation with one of your close friends.
What is your reaction - anger, sadness, disappointment, surprise, indifference, or ____ ???
- Is your reaction dependent on your dinner partner ?
- What if you are dining alone? Does it change your response?
- Rate your sense of betrayal from 0 - 10.  Explain your score.
Bonus questions:
- Do you stop by their table and say, 'hello?'
- Or do you say something else? (Uh - huh, I thought so.)

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... I want my midlife friendships to be ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP FALLOUT

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #59 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP FALLOUT

Our breakup with a friend affects others.
Usually, we were either part of a large group or shared a couple of mutual friends.
The breakup of a relationship creates dilemmas for those other friends.

Tension mounts when our friends plan activities.
If a mutual friend wants company -  dinner,  movie, weekend getaway -  she wonders if
you will get upset if she invites your new non-friend.
Will you?
Your friend wonders if it wise to invite both you and your non-friend.
 Ummm - no!

Your mutual friend's anxiety increases when she plans a major celebratory occasion.
She has to determine whether to invite both non-friends.
If not, which of the non-friends gets omitted from the guest list?
How will you react if it's you who gets left out?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Mutual friends may attempt to get us to reconcile with our new non-friend.
They may be tempted to arrange meetings to get us together.
Frankly, it easier for them if you and your non-friend reconcile.

UNHOMEWORK
Do you participate in group activities if one of your non-friends is present?
Why? Why not?
Describe your response if well meaning friends set up a meeting with your new non-friend.
What is the best way to tell your mutual friends to, 'butt out?'

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... alliances get formed when ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlife memos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:         drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:   www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:       www. twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will related.

ENCOUNTER WITH MIDLIFE NON-FRIENDS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS

THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST

BLOG #58 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.

ENCOUNTER WITH MIDLIFE NON-FRIENDS

We ended a friendship.

It was a clean break.

But, hurt and angry feelings linger.

We have not spoken to our new non-friend since the break-up.

Nor have we seen each other.

Dilemma:

We both have been invited to attend an event.

It is an important occasion.

What do non-friends do?

 Questions:

*Is it wise for new non-friends to attend the same event?

*Can ex-friends avoid an uncomfortable encounter?

*Are you able to act festive (even if you're upset) and not ruin the event for others?

In other words,

*Can I be civil to my ex-friend? Can I expect my ex-friend to be civil to me?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Most of our friendships are not isolated relationships. 

We have mutual friends, shared activities, and entangled alliances.

The first post-breakup encounter is always awkward.

Be cordial by saying, 'hello.' 

Then move on.

No further conversation is necessary.

UNHOMEWORK

What will you do in this situation?

1. Will you attend the event?    

If so, what will you say or do when seeing your non-friend?  

2. Will you refuse to attend the event?  

If so, at what cost? What are you giving up by avoiding your non-friend?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC

... our new non-friendships affect ...

HELPFUL HINTS

Midlife Memos is posted weekly.

If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.

Or

Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE

CONTACT INFORMATION

Email:         www.drwendykyman@gmail.com

Facebook:   www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

Twitter:       www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS

To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'

Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially

'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.