WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
Blog # 38 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS GET IT TOGETHER
Our plans for The Big Talk are almost finished.
Just a few more details to prepare.
WHERE:
Where do we hold The Big Talk?
Choose a cafe, restaurant or park.
Never choose your home. It gives you the advantage.
It is best to meet and talk someplace neutral.
WHEN:
When do we hold The Big Talk?
Soon after you issue the invitation.
Do not let too much time pass from the invitation to the event.
Too much time to think - gives us too much time to think. I know you know what I mean.
Less is more.
HOW MUCH:
How much time do we need for The Big Talk?
It is important to have uninterrupted time - no distractions or interruptions.
If possible, set aside three hours.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Three hours is a long time.
It is best to give yourself extra time just in case ... happens.
UNHOMEWORK
Are there other preparations you need?
Are you rethinking your plans?
The Big Talk is A Big Deal - Agree? Disagree?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife Friends Talk - Reality Check 1.
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman.com
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.' Keep scrolling all the way
to read any, or all, earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
MIDLIFE FRIENDS KEEP TALKING
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
Blog #37 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS KEEP TALKING
We are in the midst of planning our Big Talk.
*Preparations are underway - check
*One friend (maybe two) has been chosen - check
*Our thoughts are organized (ok, somewhat organized) - check
What's next?
We have to invite our friend.
This can be problematic.
It is best to invite your friend for a get-together without revealing details.
Can you already predict potential problems with this plan?
Of course you can. You'll be prepared, but your friend will be surprised.
What do we do?
Invite your friend for a get-together. Tell her you want to discuss your friendship.
Resist all urges to say anything more.
Avoid holding The Big Talk on the phone, by email or text.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
This plan gives your friend a 'heads up.'
It is never a good idea to ambush friends with serious topics
- especially when we are prepared and they are not
and
- most especially not during the double milestone.
UNHOMEWORK
Have a back-up plan.
What will you do if your friend refuses your offer to get-together?
Or
What will you do if you get together, but your friend refuses to have the discussion
you so carefully planned?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
MIDLIFE FRIENDS GET IT TOGETHER
... we meet up and ...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially The Birth of Swamp Goddess.
I bet you will relate.
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
Blog #37 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS KEEP TALKING
We are in the midst of planning our Big Talk.
*Preparations are underway - check
*One friend (maybe two) has been chosen - check
*Our thoughts are organized (ok, somewhat organized) - check
What's next?
We have to invite our friend.
This can be problematic.
It is best to invite your friend for a get-together without revealing details.
Can you already predict potential problems with this plan?
Of course you can. You'll be prepared, but your friend will be surprised.
What do we do?
Invite your friend for a get-together. Tell her you want to discuss your friendship.
Resist all urges to say anything more.
Avoid holding The Big Talk on the phone, by email or text.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
This plan gives your friend a 'heads up.'
It is never a good idea to ambush friends with serious topics
- especially when we are prepared and they are not
and
- most especially not during the double milestone.
UNHOMEWORK
Have a back-up plan.
What will you do if your friend refuses your offer to get-together?
Or
What will you do if you get together, but your friend refuses to have the discussion
you so carefully planned?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
MIDLIFE FRIENDS GET IT TOGETHER
... we meet up and ...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially The Birth of Swamp Goddess.
I bet you will relate.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
LET'S HEAR FROM OUR MIDLIFE FRIENDS
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
Blog # 36 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
LET'S HEAR FROM OUR MIDLIFE FRIENDS
After you finalize the decision to have The Big Talk, consider the following:
STEP 1
Choose one friend (maybe two) for The Big Talk.
STEP 2
Prepare your list of complaints.
Specify what you want and do not want in your friendship.
You will prepare something - Right?
During the double milestone, it is usually a good idea to spend time organizing our thoughts.
If you want to forgo preparation because you are able to spontaneously pull off a
successful Big Talk - I am impressed.
STEP 3
Prepare for your friend's reaction.
What will she say to you?
You don't think she will sit silently through your complaints - Do you?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Are you ready to hear your friend's side of the story?
UNHOMEWORK
Imagine The Big Talk from your friend's perspective.
*How do you think she will react?
*What do you think she will say about you? about your friendship?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife Friends Keep Talking
... next we have to ...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
Blog # 36 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
LET'S HEAR FROM OUR MIDLIFE FRIENDS
After you finalize the decision to have The Big Talk, consider the following:
STEP 1
Choose one friend (maybe two) for The Big Talk.
STEP 2
Prepare your list of complaints.
Specify what you want and do not want in your friendship.
You will prepare something - Right?
During the double milestone, it is usually a good idea to spend time organizing our thoughts.
If you want to forgo preparation because you are able to spontaneously pull off a
successful Big Talk - I am impressed.
STEP 3
Prepare for your friend's reaction.
What will she say to you?
You don't think she will sit silently through your complaints - Do you?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Are you ready to hear your friend's side of the story?
UNHOMEWORK
Imagine The Big Talk from your friend's perspective.
*How do you think she will react?
*What do you think she will say about you? about your friendship?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife Friends Keep Talking
... next we have to ...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
MIDLIFE FRIENDS TALK IT OUT
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
Blog #35 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS TALK IT OUT
Friends talk all the time.
We talk about major issues and endless minutia.
We talk about ourselves and other people.
The one thing we usually do not discuss - complaints we have with each other.
It is too risky.
Expressing our feelings is called The Big Talk and it is A Big Deal.
Specifically we state:
what we want and need from a friendship
and
what we are not getting
* Why do we have The Big Talk?...
- ideally it is an attempt to save a troubled friendship
* But ...
- there are no guarantees the desired outcome will be achieved
* Perhaps ...
- it may get messy and turn into The Big Drama
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Expressing what we want and need from friendships is common during
menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
The alternative is ending friendships - a choice many double milestoners are taking.
UNHOMEWORK
List the friends who are candidates for The Big Talk. Who? Why are you choosing them?
Start with one friend and see how that goes - Who? Why are you choosing her?
Before you have The Big Talk, take a deep breath and think, think, think.
Be prepared with a plan of what you want to say - Write it down.
CAUTION!
Limit The Big Talk to one or two friends.
Never have The Big Talk with more than one friend at a time.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Let's Hear From Our Friends
... be prepared for ...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drewendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
Blog #35 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS TALK IT OUT
Friends talk all the time.
We talk about major issues and endless minutia.
We talk about ourselves and other people.
The one thing we usually do not discuss - complaints we have with each other.
It is too risky.
Expressing our feelings is called The Big Talk and it is A Big Deal.
Specifically we state:
what we want and need from a friendship
and
what we are not getting
* Why do we have The Big Talk?...
- ideally it is an attempt to save a troubled friendship
* But ...
- there are no guarantees the desired outcome will be achieved
* Perhaps ...
- it may get messy and turn into The Big Drama
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Expressing what we want and need from friendships is common during
menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
The alternative is ending friendships - a choice many double milestoners are taking.
UNHOMEWORK
List the friends who are candidates for The Big Talk. Who? Why are you choosing them?
Start with one friend and see how that goes - Who? Why are you choosing her?
Before you have The Big Talk, take a deep breath and think, think, think.
Be prepared with a plan of what you want to say - Write it down.
CAUTION!
Limit The Big Talk to one or two friends.
Never have The Big Talk with more than one friend at a time.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Let's Hear From Our Friends
... be prepared for ...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drewendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
DO YOU NEED A MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP BREAK?
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
Blog #34 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
DO YOU NEED A MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP BREAK?
Ahhhh - sometimes it feels so good to get away.
We want a break from our rut ... ooops ... I mean our day-to-day lives.
We need a break from annoying folks ... ummm ... I mean friends.
Can we take a 'friendship break' if we cannot actually get away? - Yes
Will a 'friendship break' repair a crumbling relationship? - Maybe
Is there a possible downside to a 'friendship break?' - Of course
Before taking a 'break,' consider the following:
* the amount of time you need - one to three months is usual.
* the expected outcome - repair the friendship or ... ?
* your friend's reaction to the 'break' - the great unknown
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Before you take a 'friendship break,' think from your friend's perspective:
* She also needs a 'break' from you. Impossible!
Or
* She gets upset and angry.
* When 'the break' is over and you decide the friendship is worth salvaging, your friend is not
waiting. She has ended the relationship. How dare she!
UNHOMEWORK
Which of your friends is a candidate for a 'friendship break?'
Will she be waiting for you to decide the fate of your friendship?
Is her potential reaction a deciding factor in whether or not you take a 'break?'
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
MIDLIFE FRIENDS TALK IT OUT
... in an attempt to save an ailing friendship ...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' 2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
Blog #34 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
DO YOU NEED A MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP BREAK?
Ahhhh - sometimes it feels so good to get away.
We want a break from our rut ... ooops ... I mean our day-to-day lives.
We need a break from annoying folks ... ummm ... I mean friends.
Can we take a 'friendship break' if we cannot actually get away? - Yes
Will a 'friendship break' repair a crumbling relationship? - Maybe
Is there a possible downside to a 'friendship break?' - Of course
Before taking a 'break,' consider the following:
* the amount of time you need - one to three months is usual.
* the expected outcome - repair the friendship or ... ?
* your friend's reaction to the 'break' - the great unknown
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Before you take a 'friendship break,' think from your friend's perspective:
* She also needs a 'break' from you. Impossible!
Or
* She gets upset and angry.
* When 'the break' is over and you decide the friendship is worth salvaging, your friend is not
waiting. She has ended the relationship. How dare she!
UNHOMEWORK
Which of your friends is a candidate for a 'friendship break?'
Will she be waiting for you to decide the fate of your friendship?
Is her potential reaction a deciding factor in whether or not you take a 'break?'
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
MIDLIFE FRIENDS TALK IT OUT
... in an attempt to save an ailing friendship ...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' 2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate
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