REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WOULDA, SHOULDA, COULDA; IF ONLY...

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #13 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WOULDA, SHOULDA, COULDA; IF ONLY...

Are you regretting events, encounters and decisions from your past?
Are you kidding!!!

Back in the old days of our youth:
 - Most of our regrets seemed manageable (except the bad ones - obviously).
 - Many were attributed to bad choices and silly mistakes (plenty of those).
 - We were able to chalk them up to our being too young, naive and/or inexperienced to know better (although at the time we were so sure we knew it all).

And now in the double milestone® days:
 - Regrets seem to pop up regularly like an uninvited guest, often interrupting an otherwise pleasant day.
 - More than ever before, we dwell on the past - or does it just feel that way?
 - Some regrets fill us with longing; others with real pain.

How often do you begin (or end) your thoughts of the past with:
I woulda...; I shoulda...; I coulda...; If only...???

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Doesn't the slogan "If only I knew then what I know now..." finally make so much sense?
But really:
Would you really have done ...  WHAT?
Should you really have done ...  WHAT?
Could you  really have done ...  WHAT?
If only...                                  WHAT?

Actually, we don't know - that's what compels us to conjure up our alternate universes.

UNHOMEWORK
1. List the top three recurring themes of your recollections.
    Happy themes:
    a. ----------
    b. ----------
    c. ----------
    Regretful themes:
    a. ----------
    b. ----------
    c. ----------
2. What is your reaction when your day (or night) is interrupted by a regretful blast from the past?
    Do you:
    a. try to ignore it.
    b. delve deep inside the memory
    c. obsess on 'do-over' fantasies
    d. something else - explain
3. Is your chosen method working for you? Elaborate.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS
WHERE CAN I STASH THEM?
     ... many of us feel the urge to run and hide from painful regrets...

HELPFUL HINTS
If you cannot let go of your regrets and are stuck in the hurt and anger from long ago events, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well-qualified professional*, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.

*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
It is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish.
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgment that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable guide.

MORE HELPFUL HINTS
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NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
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