AGING IS HUMBLING

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS     
                           

THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND

AGING ANGST

BLOG #5 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.

AGING IS HUMBLING

Ahhh... the arrogance of youth, particularly its two distinctive characteristics:
   -  knowing it all
          and
   - believing time stretches on forever.


Remember (or not) being young:
 - time wasn't important
-  if something wasn't done at a specific moment, it could be done later.
-  if a bad choice was made, it could be fixed later.
Comfort came from the notion that there was always a 'later'.

Aging is humbling:
Now, we understand time:
 - can't be controlled
 - held back
 - captured
 - or, even if really desperate, stolen.
Time slips away from us.
And, perhaps most poignant, is the realization that 'later' is not a sure bet.

So then:
One question sums it all up - how did we get here - to this stage of life???

And then:
Is this actually midlife, i.e. the midpoint of our lives?
   - If we are now 50 - then we are expected to live to 100!
   - If we are now 60 - then we are expected to live to 120!
Seriously??? We are not fooled. Are we? Do we want to be?

But then:
Is this middle age or young old age. Does it matter? Does anyone care? Not really.

Lately, it seems many of us have somehow settled on the neutral label 'aging'.
Apparently 'aging' is a process, as opposed to 'old' or 'aged', which is
so final. Who thinks of these things?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Swamp Goddesses believe if our biggest concern is what to label our current stage of life, we are doing great.
Clearly, most of us are dealing with more pressing concerns. Duhhh!

UNHOMEWORK
What humbles you about aging?
What surprises you about aging
What do you enjoy about aging? Anything???

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
 HOW DID WE GET HERE
        Those of us in the midst of aging angst are sometimes stunned, often bewildered and rarely amused by our predicament...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will
automatically receive each new one
 or, just come back to www.midlifememos.com.

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     facebook.com/drwendykyman

WHEW! AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK AS OLD AS SHE DOES. DO I?

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL
 MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #4 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
WHEW! AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK AS OLD AS SHE
DOES. DO I?


Has this happened to you?
You run into an acquaintance - someone our age. It has been
some time since you last saw each other. While you are catching
up on events in each other's lives, you are also taking a silent inventory.

It goes something like this:

•   Neck - mine doesn't have that many lines
•   Eyes - her crow's feet are barely noticeable - hmm - botox?
•   Jowls - yikes, hers are really hanging - even more than 
•       mine!  I didn't know that was anatomically possible.
•   But wait, she's sleeveless! How does she keep her arms toned 
•           enough to go sleeveless?

This internal dialogue continues while our external dialogue is all about sharing pleasantries.

Are we being mean? No.

Our contemporaries are a measuring stick of how we are doing in the aging process. We see ourselves reflected through them.

Another version:

We meet someone - it could happen anywhere - in line at Macy's, introduced by a mutual friend, whatever. Unlike our friends and acquaintances, we do not know her exact age.

Still, we do the silent inventory and conclude that she is older and we don't look like her because she looks ... well ... old.

Then:

This supposedly older woman says something horrific, such as: 'at our age...'

Excuse me! Did she just put me in her age bracket? 

What did she see? Does this mean I look as old to her as she looks to me? Ouch!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

For those who are really 60, but claim to be 50 - do you ever wonder:

         Is it better to look bad for 50 or good for 60?

If you ever play the dangerous game of asking others to guess your

true age, be prepared with a response if they guess older. Yikes! 

UNHOMEWORK

What body parts do you focus on when measuring yourself against

others? Why did you choose these?

What body part do you like best? Describe

What body part do you like least? Describe

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC

AGING IS HUMBLING

           Remember being young and time wasn't that important...

HELPFUL HINTS

Midlife Memos is a weekly blog. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe'
you will automatically receive each new one
Or just come back to www. midlifememos.com

NOTE

CONTACT INFORMATION

Email:           www.drwendykyman@gmail.com

Facebook:     www.facebook/drwendykyman 

                                                              

MidlIFE MEMOS - MY FIRST TIME

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MADNESS
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #3 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MY FIRST TIME - CAN YOU REMEMBER YOURS?


My first time is seared into my brain.
It happened with four men - age 20ish. I was in my mid 50s. We met
when they were driving by in a convertible - with the top down. I
was on my way to the gym wearing workout clothes, large sunglasses,
listening to my ipod and feeling good.
Sound intriguing?


Here's what actually happened:
The car carrying these young men was careening up 1st Avenue on an
unusually traffic-lite Manhattan afternoon. I was crossing the street at a relative distance and barely noticed them. The young men let me know they noticed me.


They shouted these memorable words:
"Get out of the way - Old Lady."
As I staggered across the street, I was breathless. I felt like all the air had gone out of my body.
  - Was it because the car had hit me? No.
  - Perhaps I had been punched in the stomach? No
  - Maybe I was out of shape and crossing the street was too
    strenuous? A big No.
I was so shaken and traumatized because it was my first time - being
called 'old'. Actually more than that, it was the first time my age was
used as a slur, a put down.

Repeatedly, obsessively, embarrassingly, my thoughts were centered
on: how could the young men tell my age?
1. I took inventory:
   - they didn't see me up close.
   - sunglasses were hiding my eye wrinkles and bags
   - a recent dye job was nicely covering my grey hair.
   - my workout clothing was stylish, but not desperate or inappropriate.
   - blah, blah, blah.

2. I questioned:
   - out of all the potential insults, why did these boys focus on my age?
   - am I so old that my age is evident even from a speeding car - at a
     distance?
   - am I so old that my age defines me - no other identifiers are needed?
   - what reactions can I now expect from up close, face-to-face encounters?

3. I reacted:
   - I immediately tried the retaliation approach. I told myself the
boys are jerks, immature kids and then moved on to serious cursing. Frankly,
it didn't work.
   - things took a scary turn when I considered going home instead of to the gym.
   - a creepy voice popped into my head spouting negative phrases, including:
     'you're too old to work out'; 'what's the point'; etc. etc. etc.

All this took place within a couple of minutes. I was faced with a choice. I could give up, go home,
 curl up and wither away.
Or,
swallow down my feelings with cupcakes (my current love), ice cream
and potato chips - yummy, but not the answer.

Luckily, 
my Swamp Goddess persona intervened to remind me I enjoy working out (I know, weird, but true). I like feeling strong and fit. Plus, I always feel great afterward.
More importantly, I would feel awful if I gave up.
Swamp Goddesses do not give up.

We all know
our youth obsessed society sends messages to older folks, such as: 'get
out of the way,' 'your time has passed,' or the recent 'you are so old school.'

Did we
say such things when we were young?
How awful were we?
I don't remember. Do you?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
A Swamp Goddess holds steadfast and affirms:
   - I earned my way to this age.
   - I have a right to take up space - so get over it!
But still I ponder - what tell tale signs gave my age away- at such a distance?

UNHOMEWORK
What was your first time being called 'old'? (other than by your kids)
Has the word 'old' been used as a slur against you?
How did you react?
How do you wish you had reacted?

HELPFUL HINTS
Use Midlife Memos to acquire information, pick up suggestions and
unleash your inner wisdom.
You will gain inspiration to live The Swamp Goddess lifestyle.
Details about Swamp Goddess will be discussed in future postings.
Stay tuned.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
WHEW! AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK AS OLD AS SHE DOES. DO I?
               You run into an acquaintance - someone our age. It has
                been some time since you last saw each other. The silent
                inventory begins...

NOTES
These are weekly postings. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically
 receive each new one.
Or, just come back to www.midlifememos.com
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

MIDLIFE MEMOS - THE DOUBLE MILESTONE®

 WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS      
THE SWAMP GODDESS GUIDE® TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #2 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
THE DOUBLE MILESTONE


Most of our lives we contend with one significant milestone
at a time. Now, two milestones - menopause and midlife - at
once. Doesn't it seem like a really bad cosmic joke?

This double milestone brings profound changes as we
poignantly review our past, daringly evaluate the present
and boldly envision a future.

We question:
Can this be all there is?
      If not, then
Where do I want to go?
What do I want to do when I get there?
Is there someone (anyone) I want with me?
      And 
Am I really this old?
Do I really look like that?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The journey begins with:
       - knowing what you want
       - letting go of what you don't
                    and
       - knowing the difference.
It continues by:
       - learning how to get from here to there.

UNHOMEWORK
Answer the following:
Do you know where you want to go? Where? When?
Do you know what you want to do when you get there? Details please.
Do you want to go alone or with someone? Who? Why?

HELPFUL HINTS
Spend time pondering the questions and your responses.
You will achieve more effective results if you write
down your answers.
These questions are the initial step on our journey.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
MY FIRST TIME - CAN YOU REMEMBER YOURS?
      It happened with four men - age 20ish. I was in my
      mid 50s...


NOTE
These are weekly postings. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will
automatically receive each new one.


CONTACT INFORMATION
EMAIL:            www. drwendykyman@gmail.com
FACEBOOK    www. facebook.com/drwendykyman